Death and Destruction Pizza

A tongue-in-cheek take on the english civil war by the 11 year old me!


This recipe is for the most delicious, yet deadly Civil war pizza England has ever had to face.    

    To make the best pizza, you will need around 20 years to make it as so to enhance the flavour. With very important ingredients such as a king with divine right and a Parliament, that wants its own way this civil war pizza has some feisty flavours!




1 King with Devine right

11 years tyranny

1 Irish rebellion

1 Grand remonstrance

1 attempt to arrest 5 MPs that goes terribly wrong leaving Parliament and London furious

1 king fleeing the capital

1 Argument over who should control the army

19 propositions

1 King who has had enough



1 Illegal ship tax and widespread refusal to pay it



1 Roman Catholic Henrietta Maria and a marriage to the King

Rumours of her bad influences and a potential Roman Catholic England

1 beautification of the church and a new prayer book

1 Scottish invasion and rebellion

1 Catholic massacre of Protestants

Religious arguments to get rid of Roman Catholic England



1.    Take the king with Devine right and marry him to a roman catholic; Henrietta Maria. Sprinkle in a few rumours of her bad influences on the king, and a feared Catholic England.

2.    Mix in an illegal ship tax that was very unpopular and unfair. Keep stirring and gradually add more refusals to pay it.

3.    Add 11 years tyranny and an increasingly angry Parliament.

4.    Take Laud’s beautification of the church and new prayer book. Add an increasingly angry population as this is seen as steps towards a Roman Catholic England. Leave this to rise in a cool place.

5.    On a medium heat, mix the Scottish rebellion and invasion. Stir in an Irish rebellion. Pour in the catholic massacre of Protestants that will keep the nation on the look out. Keep stirring to make a thick red paste and then take it off the heat.

6.    Take the base and gently roll it out into a bigger, flatter round base. Then carefully spread over the red paste and make a nice even coating.

7.    Take the Grand remonstrance, finely chop it up and place evenly over the base. Do the same with the following ingredient in the order given. The king’s attempt to arrest 5 MPs that left parliament and London furious. Then add the king leaving the capital for safety. Add even more religious arguments to get rid of Roman Catholic England. Be careful when handling the argument over who should take control of the army; king or parliament. Add a parliament seizing control of the army.

8.    Sprinkle over 19 propositions to make a nice coating that will melt all over the other ingredients. Finally, season with a king who has had enough.

9.    Put in a hot oven and bake for a few days.  



This dish is all about a king and Parliament that are continually arguing over the three topics of religion, money and politics combining in different ways to make a very feisty civil war pizza. The dish is best served with a slice of garlic bread to add a bitter taste to it all. A great pudding would be a slice of a sharp, pointy and very tangy pie.


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